


Destruction

by neko_loki



Series: Monochrome [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Awesome Frigga, Awesome Jane Foster, Confused Thor, F/M, Guilty Loki, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Post-Avengers (2012), Pre-Thor: The Dark World, Self-Harm, i'm gonna put loki through hell in this and its all because i love him, slightly ooc(??) Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 04:31:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2215920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neko_loki/pseuds/neko_loki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set between The Avengers and Thor: The Dark World (or a TDW re-write) <br/>After the events in New York, Loki is held captive in the Asgardian prisons. But when strange things start happening to Loki's body, Thor realises that maybe Loki's actions were not his at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a little fic I decided to write because of all the Loki feels I've been having recently.   
> Hopefully this will have more than one part to it. Hopefully.   
> Also, as a warning - there will be frequent mentions of non-intentional self-harm.   
> Rating may go up.

Loki stared down at his bare, bloodied feet. He didn't know how the shallow cuts had appeared, they just had. 

Just a moment ago, he was hit with a sudden stinging sensation. When he looked down, they were there. 

Weird. 

Although, that hadn't been the only weird thing that had happened to him lately. 

Ever since returning from Earth, held captive by his own not-brother, and being sentenced to an eternity in prison by his own not-father, Loki had noticed strange things happening to his body. 

It had been minor things at first, like the time he was sitting on the floor reading a book his not- mother had persuaded Odin to let him have (thank God, if not for that he would have gone mad, with only his thoughts and hatred for company,) then finding himself at the other side of the room, slumped against the wall with a throbbing in his head and a dull burning sensation in his chest. 

As the days went by, however, it gradually got worse and happened more frequently. 

On one occasion, he'd been eating lunch (a suspicious looking lumpy gruel which made his stomach churn after every portion. He'd never had thought he'd miss the feasts he had with Thor, yet he yearned for a decent meal) and the next thing he knew, the plastic fork he'd been provided with (ironically to prevent him doing any harm) was embedded two centimetres into his thigh, tiny beads of blood bubbling up to his skin and trickling down to his kneecap. 

He didn't remember plunging the fork into himself, and it slightly unnerving. He'd started to think he was going mad. 

And after that episode came the burning in his chest. 

Loki sighed, reaching over to grab a relatively clean shirt which lay in the corner of his cell to mop up the blood seeping in between his toes. He gritted his teeth against the pain in his chest. It built up more with every episode. 

Loki watched as his shirt absorbed the crimson blood. The servants would be suspicious. Not concerned as they may have been an eternity ago, suspicious. He was a criminal after all.

Ha, a criminal. 

The words "I'm a criminal," felt so foreign on his tongue. "I killed people," felt even more alien. Yet he felt no remorse for what he had done. Not an ounce. 

Maybe.

Loki balled up the shirt and tossed it toward the front of his cell, it hit the magical golden barrier and bounced off with a faint sizzle. He sighed and lay back on the narrow bed, clasping a large leather bound book to his chest. He stared up at the ceiling, eyes glossing over the faint cracks in the otherwise perfectly maintained cell. He had already counted them a thousand times, memorized their shape and had even estimated their length. Sometimes, even the endless supply of books wasn't enough to keep his mind from wondering astray, and he just couldn't be bothered to read, the words swum around on the pages, rearranging themselves after a while.

Although he wouldn't admit it, he was starting to grow tired of this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frigga was worried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for the feedback on my last chapter! I posted it, came back about 2 hours later to find people had already left comments and kudos - thank you so much!  
> I hope I don't disappoint ://

Frigga was worried. 

Despite the fact that Odin had said to have nothing to do with Loki, she just couldn't leave her youngest son to waste away in prison for the rest of eternity, no matter the seriousness of his crimes. She wasn't allowed to visit her son personally, so she communicated telepathically using the magic she had taught the trickster when he was a boy. This gave them face-to-face contact in a sense, and Frigga could tell it made the trickster more at ease. However, she still worried. 

When she visited her son, there were dark shadows under his eyes which she had never seen before his arrest. He seemed to move slower and his eyes had lost a certain spark, the spark of good-natured mischief which was always present. When she confided her worries in Odin, he shrugged it off as normal prisoner behaviour. 

"I've seen it before, they're confined in a small space for longer than the mind can handle." He then sipped at his wine, and without lowering the golden goblet from his lips, he added, "it's what he deserves." 

But it wasn't just that. On a handful of visits she had spotted wounds on his pale frame. Burning red cuts and yellow bruises. When she sent the servants down with a change of clothes, they came back with bloody shirts and torn trousers. 

Something wasn't right. 

She even suspected for a moment that the guards or fellow prisoners were harming him somehow, but she shook it off. There was no way the prisoners could escape their cells, the most powerful magic in all the Nine Realms was in place to keep even the strongest man behind bars, and if the guards were hurting him, she would hear about it. They were ordered to look over the prisoners, if they did anything else it would be considered treason. They wouldn't even risk it. 

No, the only possible way Loki was getting hurt was if it were done by his own hands. The thought made Frigga's heart clench. 

***

As the hours ticked by, Frigga's unease didn't dull, it still burned away in the back of her mind, painfully present. 

Odin had noticed as they sat down to dinner. It was just the two of them that evening, Thor was on Midgard visiting the mortal woman, Jane Foster. "Many moons have past on Midgard since our last encounter, I owe her even a brief visit at least," the Avenger had said earlier that day, before departing. Odin didn't approve, but Frigga was pleased for her son, pleased he had some happiness despite recent events. 

Of course, this gave Odin the chance to see her properly, and she was sure her worry was clear as day. 

"You look troubled." He said after a heavy silence, broken only by the faint sound of the couple drinking their soup. 

Frigga sighed, "it is nothing. Please don't concern yourself." 

The Allfather set his spoon back in his bowl, and rested his chin upon his hands.  
"You are worrying about Loki, are you not?" 

Frigga said nothing. 

Odin sat back in his chair with a heavy sigh.  
"Frigga. He is a criminal, he has murdered. He does not deserve your compassion nor your kindness." He said it softly, but Frigga felt her stomach sink. Her husband would not let down. 

"I know," she said quietly, "but he is still my son." 

"Frigga, he is not your son." 

"I think of him as a son," Frigga's voice rose, "I raised him. I treated him as my own. Therefore he is my son."

"He is evil!" Odin exclaimed, slamming his fist on the table, "can you not see that? The boy we once knew is gone, dead. He is nothing but a twisted being!" 

Frigga felt her face heat up with anger. The room was deadly silent, even the guards seemed to be holding their breath. 

"I still see goodness in him." She whispered, rising from the table and walked from the room, before her emotions could completely betray her, but she lacked her usual grace. 

Once outside in the hall, she turned to a guard, "I demand to see my son. Take me to the prison, that is an order."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor visits Jane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the only Thor/Jane centred chapter in this series. I thought I should write at least one.  
> I've been asked if Thor/Jane will be a main topic in this series, and the answer is no. I don't ship the pairing myself, I much prefer Thorki.   
> Even so, I wanted Jane in this story because she's an awesome character, and I couldn't leave her out.

Jane Foster had never been so relieved. 

There, sitting on the sofa in her tiny London flat, sat Thor Odinson, the God of Thunder, eating a box of pop tarts. 

"I see your apatite hasn't changed," she noted. It had been an hour since Thor had tuned up on her doorstep in all his glory... Before being slapped hard across the face by Jane. "You cod have at least called!" Jane had cried. Since then, he had devoured half of the little food she had in her kitchen. 

"You mortals have some delicious food," Thor mumbled, his mouth full of Strawberry pop-tart. "It is like nothing we have back on Asgard."

Jane tilted her head to one side. 

"What brings you here?" She asked. 

Thor gulped down last pop tart and then stood, "it has been a while, for you at least, since we last met," Thor said, beaming, "so I thought I should visit. I owe it to you, you helped a great deal then." 

Jane nodded slowly. 

"So... What happened with New York?" Jane asked, taking a step closer to the sofa which Thor stood by, "and your brother?" 

Thor swallowed a mouthful of pop tart, deep in thought.

"Loki is in prison," he said, flatly. "He is paying for his crimes. Father wanted to kill him but he was spared." 

Jane could sense a hint of sadness in his voice. 

"And are you okay? About Loki, I mean." Thor had told her about Loki when they first met, and she could tell they were very close.

Thor looked up at her, his eyes betraying his true feelings. "Loki caused a lot of grief on this planet. What he has done is unforgivable." 

"Yeah, I know. Erik has a brain tumour." Jane mumbled, "you know, from when Loki controlled him? He's not coping with it any more. He's very, well..." She paused, thinking for the right words to use, but Thor understood. 

"I am sorry about your friend." He said solemnly. 

Jane just nodded, and a blanket of silence fell over them. 

"So... After this you won't return? This visit is just something you owe me?" 

Thor looked up and met her gaze. 

"Well..." Thor hesitated. 

"Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled your here," she said quickly, "it's just... After this I probably won't see you again. Ever." 

"I will visit you, Jane Foster." Thor said in a low voice, "but you must understand, the time passes differently on Asgard. What is a year to you is a mere month to me - maybe even less. I have my duties back home. I am sorry." 

"No, I know, I do understand that," Jane smiled sadly, "it's just hard, you know? Going so long without seeing you. " 

Thor nodded slowly. "I know, I am lonely too." 

More silence.

Then his face suddenly lit up, "I know! Come back with me!" 

Janes head snapped up, "what?" 

"Come back to Asgard with me! We can live together, and once I become king, you shall be my queen." 

"Wait, Thor, you do know what you're saying, don't you?"

"Of course!" 

Jane bit her lip, "I would love to, but you don't get it. I have a life here, I have friends. I can't just leave it all behind." 

Thor's face fell, but he nodded. "I understand." 

Jane looked at down at the floor for what seemed like the fiftieth time in half an hour, her eyes beginning to burn. 

"Then... How about just a quick visit?" Thor suggested, tentatively. "Maybe just stay a while?" 

Jane met his eyes again, "really?" 

"You have my word," 

Jane's face morphed into a grin before she could stop herself, she couldn't turn down that offer - the possibilities of new scientific discoveries was just too thrilling to resist.

"Yeah, okay. As long as its not permanent." She took her phone out of her pocket, "I'll speak to Darcy." 

Thor grinned from ear to ear, he looked like a bit of a five year old on Christmas day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having his mother with him is a small comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4!   
> Thank you so much for the hits, kudos... everything!   
> I should probably mention that this is the first fic I have written since 2013 because of exams. I really would like to make my writing better so please, if you see something wrong, correct me or give me ways to improve my writing. I always think my writing is too rushed and just dull. but in the meantime, please enjoy this chapter =^_^=

Loki lay curled on his side, facing the blindingly white wall. The burning in his chest was back, he had checked his body for injuries but there were none. Instead, he felt drained, exhausted as if he had just fought a battle, and his eyes stung. 

He felt weak and vulnerable and he hated it. He hated the fact that the other prisoners and the guards could see him like this. It was embarrassing, especially since he had tried and failed to take over an entire planet. It just made him look even more like a failure. That and the fact the whole kingdom now knew that he never had the right to the throne, they even knew he was Jotun thanks to Odin. It was humiliating. 

Loki curled further in on himself, gripping his shirt above his heart. It hurt, and he bit back a moan. 

Suddenly he froze. 

He sensed a presence, a real presence of someone, someone living. Fear griped his body, no matter how much he tried to suppress it. He had his back to someone, someone who was probably a threat to him. Maybe Odin had changed his mind, maybe they were going to kill him after all. 

The thought was strangely comforting. You can have my head, he thought, at least let me die with some dignity.

Although dying at the hands of his own not-father was hardly dignified. 

"Loki?" 

Loki sucked in a breath. 

It was Frigga. He relaxed slightly, and turned to face her. 

"Mothe-" he began, but he stopped himself. A flicker of hurt crossed her face, but it was gone in an instant.

"Loki," she breathed, sitting down on the bed next to him. 

He could smell her sweet, comforting sent, the sent of his childhood. He couldn't smell this when they communicated telepathically. She was real, she was here. 

"Loki, my boy," she reached up to touch his face. Her touch was soft, just as he remembered it. There was no hardness in her voice at all, not like when they usually spoke these days, there was always a hint of disapproval, disappointment, but now there was none. Loki was puzzled. 

"What?" He asked, in a somewhat defensive tone. 

She just looked at him with sad, worried eyes. She had looked at him like this once before - it had been when he was very little, during the summer. He had suffered a bad case of what seemed to be sunstroke and was terribly sick for weeks. He never went out in the sun for a long time after that as it made him feel nauseous. He never knew why he had such a low tolerance for heat. Of course, he knew now. 

"Loki... Are you okay?" 

The question took Loki by surprise. 

"Okay?" He echoed, staring at the queen, utterly perplexed. He straightened slightly, "of course I'm okay." 

Frigga shook her head.

"Please don't lie to me, Loki," she said, concern etched onto every detail of her face, "I was talking to the guards..." 

Loki swallowed, he didn't want to think what states the guards has seen him in during his time in prison.

"I came down because I was worried about you, when we spoke you looked so ill..." 

Loki snorted, "why the hell were you worried about me?" 

"Because you are my son." Frigga snapped, her tone suddenly changing. There was dead certainty in her voice, which made Loki start, he felt like he had just been scolded. 

"Anyway, I was talking to the guards. They said they hear you sometimes... Screaming." 

Loki blinked, "screaming?" 

"Yes. During the day and every night in your sleep. You have wounds all over your body, the clothes that come back up to be washed were bloody. Loki, what's happening? Is anyone hurting you?" 

Loki paused, biting his lip. So he was right. Something was wrong with him - he was loosing control. The blood he saw and the pain he felt were not phantom, they weren't products of his twisted mind. If Frigga saw the blood and the wounds - then they were real.

"No..." Loki's face went slack and his gaze drifted off to the magical barrier and to the guards outside, who were watching them intently, "no ones hurting me." 

He had been screaming... 

Loki's chest tightened as a mix of emotions washed over him. 

Humiliation - the guards and other prisoners had seen, and heard him screaming. He felt his face burn, they probably thought he was weak. He never heard the other prisoners screaming, meaning he was the only one. Was all this just his reaction to being in prison? 

Then there was puzzlement - he didn't remember screaming. Sure, sometimes his throat got a little sore but he brushed it off, there was a lot of pain in his body these days. Did he scream during his unconscious episodes? 

And fear. Cold, hard fear closing in on him from every direction. He didn't remember this. He was loosing his mind. He was loosing control over his own body.

The thought made him sick. 

***

Loki lay back on the bed, shivering. 

When Frigga pulled a blanket over him, Loki gritted his teeth. He didn't want her doting on him now... Not here.

Frigga put a hand to his clammy forehead. "Gosh, Loki, you have an incredible fever." She bit her lip, Loki could feel her hand trembling with uncertainty. 

"I'm fine, " he muttered, swatting her hand away, but it took effort just for that one single move. 

He wasn't fine and he knew it. The burning in his chest had reached to an agony stage. It felt like someone was tearing through his heart, slowly and purposely. 

Frigga shook her head. 

"Sleep." She insisted. "I'm going to see if I can get a healer down here, you're too sick to go untreated." 

"I don't need a healer" he slurred, closing his eyes around the pain. It was so intense now he could practically taste it. It took all of his remaining strength not to cry out. He could feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He refused to let them fall. 

"No, you do." She said, firmly. "I think I'll convince your father to let you up to the Healing Room. You're in bad shape, Loki." 

Loki let out a indignant huff. 

"He is not my father," he managed to choke out as the darkness consumed him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odin gives in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally think this is a very weak chapter, it's really not one of my best. Apologies.   
> Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Jane Foster and Thor touched down in the Asgadian observatory and were promptly greeted by Heimdal.

"That," Jane said breathlessly, "was amazing. We're doing that again!"

Thor chuckled at the ecstatic look on her face.

They strode along the rainbow bridge, the palace looming in front of them, sparkling in the late evening sun. Jane's mouth fell open at the beauty of it all, the stars and planets shimmering in the sky, the glistening lake that ran underneath the city and the golden buildings.

"Woah," she breathed.

Thor summoned for two horses to take them back to the palace.

When they arrived, Thor waved for the guards to take their horses to the palace stables.

"This place is beautiful," Jane breathed in awe.

Thor grinned, "likewise, I find your home world very charming."

Jane just raised her eyebrows.

As they approached the throne room, they could hear raised voices coming from within. Thor frowned.

"What's the matter?" Jane asked.

Thor quickly recognised the voices, they belonged to his parents.

"Wait here," he mumbled, cautiously opening the door.

His father was sitting on his throne, his mother at the foot. She was standing her fists clenched, looking up at her husband whose face was twisted with fury.

"What's going on?" Thor announced his presence, striding in.

His mother looked around, a look of relief crossed her face when she saw him.

"Thor-" she began, but Odin cut her off.

"Son, this isn't a good time," Odin rose from his throne, "can you come back after I've dealt with your mother?"

Frigga visibly bristled.

"No." He stated, firmly. "As future king, I deserve to know what's going on."

"It's your brother," Frigga blurted out before Odin could speak.

"Loki?" Thor tensed, endless possibilities came to mind, Loki escaping and causing havoc on Asgard, or going back to Earth to finish what he started, even though he knew he couldn't. "what's he done now?"

"He hasn't done anything. Don't concern yourself with this," Odin said hastily.

"No," Frigga snapped back at her husband, "lets see what Thor has to say about this."

Thor had never seen his mother and father act this way towards each other before, Frigga often went along with whatever Odin ordered. Even though she was his wife, she still had to obey her king.

Thor raised his eyebrows, "what's he done?"

"Loki hasn't done anything," Frigga turned to him, a deep worry in her eyes, "He's sick, really sick. Something's wrong with him, and I want him to be examined by a healer. It's too serious to leave alone."

"He doesn't deserve their services!" Odin boomed over her, "how many times must I tell you, Frigga?"

A bubble of worry rose in Thor's chest. Ill? Loki had only been ill a handful of times, and any other time he was able to use healing magic to prevent sickness. And Frigga wanted to get him to a healer?

Thor knew his mother supported Loki's punishment - as long a it became not more than a lengthy prison sentence. She was fair, she knew that he deserved it. But she wanted to take him out and get him to a healer?

Something must be terribly wrong with his brother.

Thor turned to his father.

"Father. Mother is right." He began, "you know her, she would never do something if it was unnecessary. Loki must be very ill."

Odin seethed. "You saw what he did with your own eyes! You were the one who fought him! He doesn't deserve treatment - you of all people should know that, he doesn't even deserve his life, yet I let him keep it."

Thor took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Odin was not easy to sway.

"I know. He took lives, I know Father. But he is still my brother. I love him."

Odin laughed a merciless laugh, "he has no right to bear the name Odinson. He is not your brother, not our son. He is nothing to us."

"Then why did you save his life? Why didn't you leave him for dead like his own kind did?" Thor shouted, clenching his fists. "You saved him all those years ago, Father. There must have been a reason!"

"To use him for a bribe against the Frost Giants, yes." Odin steeled.

"But you never did. And they didn't even want him in the first place, they left him for dead! If anything told you he wasn't wanted, the should have!" Thor roared.

Odin sat down again, looking at his son through narrowed eyes.

"I showed compassion for the wrong child." He said heavily. "I made a mistake - he was from a enemy race, I should have never taken him in."

Thor snarled.

"But you did, and now you should act like the father he thought you were back then. Your son is ill. It's sounds serious. Your wife has never been wrong, she has always supported your ideas and decisions now matter how obscured they were. At least repay her for that."

Odin took a deep breath.

"He does straight back to his cell after his examination." He muttered. "No exceptions."

***

Thor and Frigga hurried out of the doors into the corridor, where Jane met them.

"I everything okay?" She asked, her brow furrowed.

"I'm sorry, but an urgent matter has arisen," Thor looked down at her apologetically, then as an afterthought he said; "Mother, this is Jane Foster,"

Frigga smiled, and greeted her. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Thor has spoken about you often,"

"Uhh," Jane froze up slightly, "it a pleasure to meet you too.. Your majesty."

Frigga chuckled, but then her face quickly became serious again when Thor spoke.

"Mother, can you escort Jane to your quarters? I'll come for her after getting Loki to the infirmary. I'll meet you there."

Frigga nodded, guiding Jane along the corridor towards her quarters.

Thor set off down the narrow corridor leading down to the dungeons. He took the staircase downwards two at a time. If Loki was as bad as Frigga had let on, he needed to hurry.

When he reached the entrance, he ordered the guards to show him to Loki's cell. Although, he didn't need to be shown. He could hear him, screaming. Loud, piecing screams that sounded like he was being tortured. Thor took in a sharp breath.

"Loki," he whispered, running towards the sound. "Open his cell!" He called to the guards in pursuit.

"But Your Majesty-"

"That's an order!" He roared.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, another short chapter for you!
> 
> I start college tomorrow so I'm not sure if I'll be able to post daily updates like I've been doing up until now. It depends what my timetable's like. 
> 
> Luckily, I do most of my writing at midnight so hopefully I'll still be able to update frequently. It's the editing and proofreading that takes the longest! 
> 
> Anyhow, thank you again for your feedback!

Pain. That's all he could feel as he struggled to open his eyes. His wrists burned, however his arms had no feeling as he was lying on them. He groaned, struggling to get into a more comfortable position. Suddenly, something gripped him painfully on the shoulder and he was wrenched up, he cried out in pain. 

He opened his eyes. 

He came face to face with one of the ugliest creatures he had ever seen. It's mouth resembled a beak, with a thin face and slits for eyes. It's whole body was armoured grey. He couldn't tell whether it was actual armour of weather it was a part of the creatures body. 

When it saw he was awake, it squawked in his face. He he moved himself as far away from the creature as his tied-up body would physically allow. 

It's face contorted. Was it... smiling? 

He didn't have time to figure it out before it plunged something into his chest, and he was screaming.


End file.
